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Friday, January 31, 2014

11 SIMILARITIES BETWEEN NEW PARENTS AND DRUG ADDICTS

1.  You can only think about one thing.  Your new baby!  Is there anything else? Except maybe the story of her birth.  Oh and the way she held your hand right afterward.  By the way, have you noticed that her eyes are changing color?  Do you think she is hungry?  I understand there are wars going on in the world, but why do you think every little newborn outfit comes with tiny bibs?  

2.  Your friends change.  If you’ve been wondering where your childless friends have gone see Number 1 above.  Back in the heyday of your youth you had all sorts of friends.  They did different things.  They represented a wide range of interests.  Then you had children.  Soon you found that people without a little white baby splurge on their shoulders just don’t get you (or maybe they don’t want to get too close, I’m not sure, it’s all a blur, and really, you don’t care anymore).   After a year you look around and everyone you mingle with has the same one-track mind you.  It’s not that everyone else is doing it, it’s that you are only hanging out with those that do.

2.  You’re up all night.  Meth addicts may be more famous for working on their cars at 3AM, but new parents are up at the same time slowly driving around the neighborhood in a desperate effort to get snookums to sleep.



3.  You have mad lab skills.  Anyone who has googled “can I mix breast milk with formula?,” installed a bottle sanitizer on the countertop next to the coffee maker, looked up the twenty letter ingredients on their baby shampoo, or used a plastic eye dropper to measure half a teaspoon knows that parents can match any bathroom chemist in lab skills.

4.  Your house and car have developed a lingering smell.  Enough said.

5.  Your pets aren’t getting the same amount of attention.  Let’s face it, Fido just isn’t the top baby in the house anymore.

6.  You have a fuzzy warm feeling unlike anything you’ve ever felt before.  That love feeling when your get your first smile has got to be better then any drug out there, and so, of course, you want another.

7.  You have a temper that you didn’t know you had.  And it’s scary.

8.  You hide in the bathroom.  I know it doesn’t take you that long to use the potty.

9.  You’re suddenly much more comfortable with bodily fluids.  Again, enough said.

10.  Your personal hygiene has gone down hill.  I hate to say it but your house used to be cleaner too.

11.  Your IQ may have been affected.  Mommy brain is a real thing and Daddies get it too.



Can you think of any others?
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